Lost Notebook

They tried to hide from me. They didn’t want me to know the truth. That he…

“I’ll watch over him… you go get us a ride…”

I said, as I held him that moment.

“Will you be okay?...”

Then there was silence. I didn’t hear another word after that.

I stared at that moon lit shore as I held his cold body. I know that he won’t hear me even if I talk instead of whispering. And I stared at his face once again. He looked as if he was only asleep. He was not what he was, he was just sleeping. He’s only sleeping. Sooner or later, he’ll be waking up. I kept on hoping that he’ll wake up and that he’ll smile at me. But he didn’t. but still I kept on holding his lifeless body, waiting for him to wake up.

I turned to his face once again. And I kissed him. I gave him a kiss that he hadn’t asked of me yet.

I remembered being told,

“Leave those who rest alone… they need not be bothered by our own misfortune…”

And I remembered a joke that he always teases me with.

“You still owe me…”

“I still owe him something?...”

Now I know what I owe him. I owe him a debt of a broken heart.

I kissed him once more and held him tightly.

“I’ve paid you no debt… you’re the one who owes me…”

And I felt a cold breeze wrap around my body.

“Be strong…”

I remembered someone telling that I was strong. And I remembered hearing his last words.

“I still love you… and I always will…”

Words that I always hear him say. The last words I heard with him.

And tears fell from my eyes. I recalled everything that happened that night. Everything…

And I remembered how he cried. His voice was trembling as he spoke. Word after word, his thoughts came to me. I knew that he was happy at that moment. But now…

“That dream…”

And tears fell from my eyes.


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~The end~

And I felt something warm slide down to my lips. I don’t know if he heard what I said. All I know is that when he wakes up, I wont be afraid to say it again.

I woke up hearing everyone’s voice. Then I heard a soft whispering voice saying,

“Wake up Aea… Wake up…”

And I did. It was still dark. I asked what time it was. I heard someone say,

“It’s almost five… time to go home…”

And I remembered. I saw him still there, sleeping so soundly, as if daytime will not come. I whispered to his ear and said.

“Its time to go, they’re already awake…”

But he didn’t move. So I stood and left him to sleep longer. I finished packing up my things. I noticed that he was still asleep so I decided to check up on his things as well. I saw that they weren’t touched and that he didn’t even care to open his bag when we arrived. I went back to wake him up.

“Wake up sleepy head. Time to leave…”

But still he didn’t move.

“So this is why you said you were having problems with being late…”

I giggled as I pinched his nose. But still, he remained sleeping. Everyone gathered around us. And I heard someone say,

“It’s okay Aea! I’ll wake him up…”

Then someone helped me up. I remembered somebody saying,

“Come on, let’s go get a ride…”

Then I recalled looking at that moon-lit shore. And my heart raised when I remembered his words.

“I still love you… and I always will…”

I ran back to where he lied down. But the person we left to wake him up was already in front of me. He held me back and whispered,

“Be strong…”

I ran to where he was and fell down on my knees. I held him tightly. He was cold. And everyone was standing behind us.

“I tried to wake him up first, but he didn’t move… When I tried to shake him up, I felt that he was cold… I tried to feel his pulse and checked if he was breathing… But, I didn’t feel anything…”

They tried to hide from me. They didn’t want me to know the truth. That he…


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to be continued...

And he stood and went to where the others . I thought he left because I annoyed him. But he just placed his guitar there and came back. He came back to where I was and smiled as he said,

“Just like old times…”

And he sat beside me. At first, we were just sitting there. His silence prolonged. I couldn’t say anything because I was afraid of offending him and make him leave for sure. Then, he spoke.

“I still can’t forget you…”

And he took a deep breath and sighed. I couldn’t make anything of what he said. Nor could I ask what he meant.

Then he continued. It was strange that he talked that way. I couldn’t understand what he was saying. Until I heard him say,

“I still love you…”

My heart pounded after hearing what he said. But I couldn’t think of anything to say. My thoughts were shut at that moment, that I couldn’t answer him back. I couldn’t accept hearing those words again. Especially from him. And I couldn’t bare listen to another word he said. I just can’t.

I tried to look at him. But he wasn’t looking at me. He was staring at the moon-lit shore. Then I saw something shining slide down his cheek. It was a tear. And his tears fell. More and more as he continued to speak.

Then I remembered what I told him before. How can I forget? I wanted to say something. I wanted his tears to stop falling. But I was afraid of the fact that I’ll hurt him more. All I can do is to let him cry, to ease his pain.

And he stopped. But he kept silent. He didn’t say a word after that. And I remembered what I told him before.

“We can only be friends…”

But what I meant by that was if it’d be us, then it will be.

I’ve never seen him look as sad as he did that night. And it mortifies me to have not said anything to ease his pain.

I asked him to sleep. And he looked at me and sighed. Then he closed his eyes and slowly laid down. I stood and fetched a blanket from my bag. I hurriedly went back to him so he wouldn’t be so sound asleep. I saw him sitting up, looking once again at that moon-lit shore.

I unfolded the blanket behind him and I asked him to sleep once more. I was sitting on the blanket when he stood up. He turned around, looked at me, and smiled as he said,

“I still love you… and I always will.”

I almost forgot that he had just cried, because of the look in his face. I can say that he was happy by the way that he looked at me. He was happy like he has never been so all his life.

Then he laid beside me, and closed his eyes. The blanket was big enough for the two of us, that I pulled its side and tucked him in.

I stared at his face as he slept so soundly. Then my heart pounded when I saw his lips show a faint smile, as if he knows that I was staring at him. I knew that he was sleeping because he didn’t feel my hand when I touched his face. He looked different that night. Even though he was sleeping, I knew that he looked different. I haven’t seen his face like that even when we were together.

I felt my heart beat rise, as I stared at him. Looking at him, I felt an urge to…

But I didn’t. I was afraid of waking him up. Instead, I snuggled beside him, and whispered to his ear.

“I love you too… I love you too…"

And I felt something warm slide down to my lips. I don’t know if he heard what I said. All I know is that when he wakes up, I wont be afraid to say it again.


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to be continued...

And I remembered how he cried. His voice was trembling as he spoke. Word after word, his thoughts came to me. I knew that he was happy a moment ago. But now…

I asked him to come with us. So he did. He came on time as usual. And he looked so very anxious, as if he hasn’t enough time. He lent me his guitar and called a jeep. I was happy to have seen him hold his guitar and sang all the way through. The trip didn’t become as dull as we thought even though there were only thirteen of us all together.

And we reached the beach. It was so quiet. And I heard him say,

“Are you sure this is where you wanna go?...”

I admit that I didn’t thought that we’d end up there. I didn’t like it ‘coz it was so cold and dark. But hearing him talk that it’s better there than not, and seeing his face lit up in hope, eased my regret.

And we had a great time. Around the bonfire, we talked, ate, and sang. Then I noticed that he barely ate. I asked him why, but he just smiled at me and said,

“It’s okay! I’m not hungry yet. Lets just enjoy ourselves…”

After that, we all decided to take a dip. We didn’t take too long. Everybody was complaining about how cold the water was. But we laughed at it in the end.

And I saw him standing near the bonfire. He seemed to be staring at us for such a time. Then he sat and stared at the burning wood. I got out of the water and went to him. He was silent. He kept playing with a twig. Placing it in and out of the fire. Then I noticed everyone got out as well. So I took my clothes and changed.

I returned and saw everyone sleeping. They left the fire burning. And I saw him sitting at a distance, holding his guitar. I went to where he was and sat beside him. I said,

“First you didn’t eat. Then, you didn’t join us. Now, you’re not sleeping… Just like old times huh?...”

And he stood and went to where the others . I thought he left because I annoyed him. But he just placed his guitar there and came back. He came back to where I was and smiled as he said,

“Just like old times…”

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to be continued...

A great road trip... have you been in one of these things? with your loved one?

Let me tell you a story...

From the way i saw how they treated eachother... it was pure bliss. They really loved eachother. They show how much they feel for eachother. Not a rare thing to see. But not in a very vulgar way I mean. But there was something I didn't know that made me realize how they really feel for eachother.

I still remember how she told me what happened the last time they were together. She told me that they started the day calling eachother up because that day, they were planning to go out on a date. Just a simple date. Not your fancy romantic dinners, not your usual costly trips to the mall. All they wanted to do was watch the sun set before the guy leaves for his work in Cebu.

And so they went to a place where they can clearly see the sun set. I don't quite remember where the place was. But all I can remember was that it was almost like those places you see in movies where the guy drives his girl up on a hill with a spectacular view of the city at night. In their case. A roadside hill where the town could be seen below and the sun set is seen well. But all they had to ride was the guy's motorcycle. What the heck, she says, its still the date that's important.

I remember how she described the sunset that day... there were bright orange rays of light that pierced their way through the purple misty clouds in the sky. The breeze felt moist, yet warm pre-welcoming a new tomorrow. I't was absolutely perfect. The way she described the place really blew me off. I wish I could take my girlfriend to that same place.

It wasn't just the view of the town and the sunset that she remembered. She told me that it was also their first time to be alone with eachother. She told me that it was also their first time to kiss. And she was really shy about it. She told me that after they saw what they came for, they accidentally stared right into eachother's faces and it was like magic. She told me that they left the hill shorlty after telling eachother how much they loved the other.

On their way home, it was like God painted the sky with such beauty that they didn't mind that it was getting dark. They saw the sky as they rode downhill.

But the sky soon darkened as if it was about to rain. The guy raised the speed of the bike to avoid the rain. But the girl was afraid she might fall off because they were going too fast. She asked the guy to slow down a bit.

The guy just giggled and said, "...You sure you don't wanna get caught in the rain?..."

She did say the guy was funny. So she said, "...I just want you to slow down a little. Do you want me to fall off?"

The guy laughed and said, "...I'd slow down if you kiss me again..."

She teasingly told him not in his dreams. But she said she would give him one if he slows down a bit. The guy just wouldn't give in yet. He still teased the girl that a hug would be enough if she doesn't want to give him a kiss. She answered him back saying, "...Am I not holding you tight enough? Or do you want me to choke you to death?..." And they laughed as they went on.

But she told me the guy did slow down. And later told her to take his helmet off and wear it on her head. The guy said that he was looking at her on the side mirror and noticed that she'd look cute with a helmet on. At first she didn't approve of this but the guy's teasing did win her heart to wear the blasted thing. What harm could a helmet do? He said she'd look cute with it anyway.

Then later that day someone in our neighborhood came telling news of an accident. Two people were involved. A guy and a girl. The girl was rushed to the hospital in a very bad state. The guy was dead on the spot. Those two people were the people in this story. The girl lived knowing that the guy only distracted her attention from what was happening to their ride. The bike lost its break and the guy was just smart enough to joke around and not let her know. The girl then found out that the guy died. She told me their story a couple of months ago. She also told me that she lived alone after the incident. She couldn't find the strength to look for another loved one to replace the guy she loved. She died just a week ago.

That's why I said there was something I didn't know about how they felt for eachother. They both loved eachother so much that they couldn't let the other suffer. They both loved eachother that death didn't let their feelings for eachother die along through time. Now what would you do, if this hapened to you?

And I saw her again. Sitting there... In that bench under the same tree. I continued staring at her as I stood far. I've alwas wondered why she was always there. Sitting... doing nothing... waiting for someone perhaps.

I've always been a sucker for girls wearing glasses. And the sight of her sitting there just takes the breath out of me. Something in girls like her that keeps me from being mature. And I've always been naive.

I thought she didn't notice me staring at her. But then again... she looked up to me and gave me a smile.

"Damn!..."

I've thought of turning around and fleeing away. But there was something in her stare that made me want to come closer.

And so I did. Took a step after another... Last thing I knew I was standing infront of her. I thought it was stupid to just stare at her. But that's all that I did. Stare at her like I was some kind of statue.

"Are you just going to stand there or what?..."

She said softly as she smiled at me with a cute squint on her face.

"So?..."

I heard her giggling as I sat down beside her.

And there I was... sitting beside this girl... Speechless... thoughtless... staring at nowhere. I don't know if it's me or I'm just plain old stupid for not saying anything.

We sat there for a full hour but didn't talk. It mortifies me to be beside her but not uttering a word.

"For god's sake you idiot! Ask her something..."

But I was just so lost in the moment that I couldn't think of anything to say.

Then I heard her whisper...

"You silly boy... why aren't you talking?..."

I know I should say something. But nothing came out. I was about to stand up and just leave, but I heard her voice.

"Have you ever had someone so perfect but you couldn't keep?..."

I didn't know what she meant. But after that, I saw a tear slide down her cheek. And another one. After that she was crying. But I don't know what to do.

She kept talking about this guy who was always there for her. Whenever she was down, whenever she felt lost, whenever she felt alone. She said this guy was special. But she couldn't keep him. She said it happened but it was just like a dream. But it felt so real.

I continued listening to her story. I felt everything she said. She continued talking as her tears continued to fall.

Then I heard her whisper a name...

"Cefiro..."

The place where she met the guy. The place she was in her dream. And she just kept on crying.

I had no idea how to comfort her. How to stop her from crying. I was clueless when it comes to matters of the heart. I didn't know how to react. There was only one thing that came in to my mind.

I took her hand and held it. I felt her grip my fingers, and then she leaned on my shoulder. I didn't know if what I did was wrong but if it was, I would've regreted ever going near her.

I felt her grip starting to loosen. I thought she realized what we were in. But then she didn't react violently. She just stayed there leaning on my shoulder. I tried to take a good look at her face but I found out that she had snoozed off. I didn't move an inch worrying she might wake up. We were like that for quite some time. I was sitting, staring at the horizon and she was sleeping on my shoulders.

And then I felt a cold damp breeze. I tapped her hand and whispered in her ear,

"Uhm... I think you should wake up. It looks like it's about to rain..."

She lifted her head after that. She turned at me and gave me a smile.

"Thank you..."

I heard her say whispering to my ear.

And she stood up after that. I thought she was about to leave but she turned around. She slowly bent down to my ear. I thought she was going to say something. But instead... She gave me a kiss on the cheek.

"Thank you for being here..."

She whispered afterwards and turned around.

"Wait... uhm... I didn't get to know your name... I'm Sho..."

I said hoping she'd answer me back.

"Nice to meet you Sho... I'm..."

She was about to tell me her name when two girls called out to her. She turned around and called back to those who seemed to be her friends. She left and forgot to say her name. But still I thank her friends for calling out to her.

A girl wearing glasses... A girl I'll always remember for her story.

A girl I'll remember for the way she feels for someone...

A girl named Fuu.

This blog will be updated occasionally depending on the number of stories / fics I'll get to write or finish. I might also post some stories that I happen to have salvaged from recently found emails and scratchpapers on my trash collection.

Have fun. ^_^